we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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