Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
