I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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