Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
