I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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