I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
