I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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