Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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