Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize