im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
