the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
