My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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