a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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