hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
