What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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