If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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