in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
