There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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