Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
