wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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