so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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