he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
