Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
