before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
