U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
