Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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