we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
