My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize