I CAN MOONWALK!
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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