Only a mothe r could love this liver
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
