I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
