Barsexuality is the new black.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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