the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
