dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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