He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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