Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
