Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
