dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
