So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
