my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
