So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I need water and some morals
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
