told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Randomize
