I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
