just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize