I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
