I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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