I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
