What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
