Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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