Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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