There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
