I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
