Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
