The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
