This is not my ceiling
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize