Are we in a gay sports bar?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
