i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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