What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
