my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Panties = found
Randomize
