There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
