Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
