Ambien. No doubt about it.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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