So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Randomize
