A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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