i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
