At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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