If i come over, it means nothing
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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