I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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