I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize