Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
