he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
