On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
