he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
handjob tips. give me some.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
