it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
