He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
