my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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