Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
