My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
