They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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