everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
