This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
