I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
