oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
