I can't watch pbs sober anymore
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
